Funny When Grandma Knits a Sweater

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

I got a sweater for xmas....

I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.

Dry cleaners.

A hot blond walks into a Dry cleaners. She tells the teller "I need to get a stain removed from my sweater. The teller being a little hard of hearing asks "Come again?" To which she replied " No, its mustard."

What did Eminem say when 50cent gave him a sweater?

Gee, you knit?

Blonde walks into a...

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

What did 50 cent say to his grandma after she crocheted him a sweater?

G! You knit!

did you know it takes 3 sheep to make a wool sweater?

It's amazing. I didn't even know they could knit!

waaaaaaka waka.

My friend got me a sweater for Christmas...

I would have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but she did the trick.

This was my grandma's favourite joke

Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.

"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.

There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."

"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"

I'm pretty sure my parents are getting me a sweater for Christmas, but I really would have preferred a moaner or screamer.

I wanted a screamer or a moaner for Christmas

Instead I got a sweater.

You can explore sweater squirter reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sweater sleeveless dad jokes. There are also sweater puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I got a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer.

Credit to Steven Wright.

While scrolling the front page I saw the most annoying thread ever

It was coming out of the sweater I was wearing. That was my favorite sweater.

His palms are sweaty...

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already.

WebMD: *TYPHOID FEVER*

LPT: If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes; they're usually about 90 degrees.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I got a sweater for Christmas...

...but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer.

From: Jerry "The King" Lawler"

What's a traffic cop's favorite kind of sweater?

A pull over.

If the world was a giant sweater, where would all the black people live

In the hood

Why did the jalapeno put on a sweater?

Because he was a little chile

For my birthday my friends got me a sweater.

I would have preferred a screamer or moaner, but a sweater was fine.

I tried to teach my grandma how to eat noodles with chopsticks

She accidentally made a sweater.

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already...

Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?

Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!

What does Dr. Dre say to 50 cent when he gives him a sweater?

Gee, you knit?

My friend asked if I knew what kind of sweater he was wearing.

I said I had no idea, he said "Guess."

"Hollister?"

"No. Guess."

"North face?"

"No... Guess"

I sill don't know.

All my friends clubbed together and got me a sweater

I would've preferred a moaner or a screamer, but you can't have it all

Whats the most disappointing thing for dads on Christmas?

When he gets a sweater, but he was hoping for a screamer or a squirter.

Why do dads hate christmas?

They get a sweater. But they really wanted a moaner or a screamer..

Dear Santa, Last year you gave me a sweater for Christmas.

This year I would prefer a Moaner or a Screamer.

For Christmas last year I got a sweater.

This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter.

I just found out that my sweater was made by indonesian slave children

And i must say they did a wonderful job

What did the rapper, The Game, say when 50 cent gifted him a sweater?

Gee, you knit?

There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...

There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.

What's the most nervous piece of clothing?

A Sweater!

What do you call a sweater that was blown away by the wind?

A cardi-gone.

(yes, I made this one up this morning)

What did 50 Cent say when Lloyd Banks gave him a new sweater?

Gee, you knit?

Did you know? There is a species of frog in Alaska

There is a species of frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter and while frozen, the frog stops breathing, its heart stops beating, its palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on its sweater already, mom's spaghetti.

What kind of sweater do cops wear?

A pullover.

I was asked to bring an ugly sweater to a Christmas party.

But my ex-wife already had plans.

All I got for Christmas was a sweater

What I really wanted was a screamer or a biter

[Nsfw] I got a sweater for Christmas...

I wish I had gotten a screamer or a moaner.

I have a coffee sweater.

I put it on over my tea shirt.

Blonde Joke!

Blonde walks into a dry cleaner with her sweater and asks the clerk how much it would cost to get the stain out. The clerk didn't hear her turns to her and says come again? The blonde giggles and says no it's just mustard this time

Christmas Break

There are 2 boys. Timmy and Bill. They just got back from Christmas break. The first boy, Timmy, says to Bill, I had the best Christmas ever! I got a new bike, new shoes, and an Xbox with all my favorite games on it. What'd you get Bill? He says, I only got a sweater. The first boy asks, Why? Bill answers, Its because I don't have cancer, Timothy.

I got a sweater for my birthday!

I really wanted a moaner...

A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
buttons, but her boobs are so big she
can only fasten eight."

There are many kinds of vests that protect you..

Life vests protect you from drowning.
Bullet proof vests protect you from getting shot.
Reflective vests protect you from getting hit when you are near a road.
And sweater vests protect you from women.

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was vomit on his sweater already.

Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

What's the difference between a jumper and a sweater?

A sweater doesn't go splat after falling 40 stories...

Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.

The sweater my wife gave me for Xmas was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

The cashmere sweater story

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Last night my wife crawled into bed with me and told me she'd do anything for a new cashmere sweater," the guy says. "So I asked, 'Anything?' nudge nudge wink wink, and she replied "ANYTHING!'" "Wow!" the bartender replies. "What did you do?" "I told her to learn how to knit."

Last christmas Santa got me a sweater.

This year I've asked for a screamer instead.

Why did the baby bell pepper put on a sweater?

Because it was a little chili.

I tried to pay for a sweater on credit…

It didn't go through and the cashier said try the cardigan

If you see a habanero on your doorstep, put a sweater on

...it's a little chili outside

My partner got the boys with this one.

She calls, Come on downstairs, it's time for dinner! And you may want to put on a sweater for dinner.

My 10 year old son: Why would I need a sweater for dinner?

Her: We're having brrrr-itos!

A psychic goes into a store. The shop employee hands her a sweater in size large, and she says it's too big. The employee asks how she knows without trying it on.

The psychic replies, I'm a medium.

I bought a great new sweater but it kept zapping me due to static electricity!

I went back to the store and they gave me a new one free of charge.

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